Everywhere you look there’s some horrible little orc, trolling away under the watchful eye of the great big bloody tower.

So far, the small armies of Elves from Brazil to Lithuania have been picking them off one by one but good old Blighty has sat back with the self-assured creaking and groaning of a Conservative peer.

Well, old beans, the Ents are finally off the bench.

You’ve read Tolkein, right?

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